Self-Inspection

And so another precious day passes by without much of a parade. But today was different for me.

Today I let myself wonder, and think. Somehow today I really wanted to know what was wrong with me. Why am I so unlucky and unproductive when it comes to like and love.

I have never truly loved someone before. I may have been good and nice to a large number of people, and I may have been great company to a few more. But never have I loved someONE.

To me, love may be a little alien to the mind, being slightly remote and unfamiliar. I do not know how to handle it properly. Which might explain why I am such a looser in this field. Maybe it's because I am not brave enough. Maybe it's because I am not intelligent enough. Maybe... I just wasn't born to love. I don't know.

I have liked someone before. But the feeling I realized too late was not mutual. So that experience left me slightly heart-broken. Even though it only affected me for six months, those six months were bitter. And that is all it takes to leave a blemish on your life.

So yes, maybe I am afraid to be hurt again. But I am also afraid that I might hurt her more than it hurts me; which in turn hurts me more. And that is depressing.

Constantly I tell myself: Forget about love. There is much more in life than love. Go and do the things you like and see the things you want to see. There is so much to do.

True, I answer back. We only have one life to live, and one existence to fulfill. Responsibilities to uphold and duties to perform.

I unwillingly have to admit, my life before meeting you was very organised, very calm and very normal. So in a way, you have turned my life upside-down and messed it up. But I don't blame you. It's not your fault. Well, it kinda is, but I still don't blame you.

So what is it with me and love? I still have no idea.

Cupid seems to be shooting defected arrows lately. Maybe it's because of global warming.

All I know is that I still like you. But I have no clue if you like me or not.

Life's like that right?

01001110 01100101 01100101 01100100 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01101000 01100101 01110010 01100101 00100000 01100100 01100101 01100001 01110010 00101110