Hi.
Its been a while. You don't say.
Its past six months. Yes I do realize I missed yet another appointment. And Yes, I am disappointed in myself.
I still remember your voice. The presence of you when I fear life. When I fear failure.
I still remember your face. The times you were there when I was not.
I miss your laugh. I really do.
Rest in peace. You should move on. I should move on.
But moving on is hard when you feel the guilt of letting your past go.
Guilt of not having the guts to say what you mean, and mean what you say.
Guilt of not having the guts to fulfill the promise, and promise the fulfilled.
I ask you permission, to let you go. To let you fly free. To let the past be the past.
To release you from my heart. And to release my heart from your shadow.
I will keep just a frame of you, and all the things you have taught me.
For for a while, you were but my lantern in the woods, a raft in the seas.
And you have shown me that I need to be strong. I need to be me.
And that I never got an opportunity to thank you enough.
Time has passed. In one way or another.
The season has changed. And spring has to be let in yet again.
When the rain came, the umbrella went up. Now that the clouds has cleared, it must come down again.
If you don't decide to do something today, tomorrow will be the same thing again.
Back to reality.
The tenth of the tenth of the twelfth.
Remember this date as if you lost something you never forgot.
My fourth serving of dessert has arrived.
Not that I ordered dessert. But this one walked into my life. Seriously.
I can't say that I am complaining. I ain't a liar. Not that I want to be.
It just so occurred to someone that a good outcome could come out of this. And I am thankful.
I am a blessed soul, for my newest scoop of sundae shall be that of a reminder.
A reminder that I can function not as a whole, but also as a half.
A reminder that things should not be forced, and that when it fits, it fits.
A reminder that you can change your perceptions of things when things happen.
A reminder that a full person has an additional reason to fight for his life.
A reminder that I can be truly happy again.
But you have to take care.
Thou shalt not ignore this bowl of ice cream, lest the ice cream melts.
Thou shalt not belittle this bowl of ice cream, lest the cream become sour.
Thou shalt not take advantage of this ice cream, lest thy respect tainted thee.
Thou shalt make the most of this ice cream, lest it be wasted.
Thou shalt make the best out of this ice cream, as it be rare to receive such.
Thou shalt be honest with this bowl of ice cream, lest it be a lie.
Thou shalt be thankful of this bowl of ice cream, lest the ice finishes.
Thou shalt be caring of this bowl of ice cream, lest it feel less than it should.
Thou shalt teach this bowl of ice cream, lest a departure beckons and a footprint not exist.
Thou needs to make sure that ice cream is taken care of, with the best efforts of thee.
Thou needs to make sure that the interests of ice cream is preserved, even at the cost of the interests of thee.
Thou needs to make sure that ice cream is happy, for that is the reason ice cream has been served.
Thou needs to make sure that ice cream is treated as if it were to be the last serving you shall ever receive.
And lastly, no two scoops of ice cream at a time, lest the cone splinters and thee is left with none.
Be thankful. Yes. And be glad.
Enough about myself. More onto people around me.
A late relative has left for the sunset nirvana. May her soul be blessed and her spirit taken care of.
You have been an inspirational part of my life. I will do my part to help those that are still in this consciousness, and to ensure that you may leave at ease, if it is the least I can do.
I should thank my family for being strong and supportive for me and each other until now. Such is the dynamics of a family that loves each other. I apologize for not being in proximity for the majority of the year. My selfishness of an educational pursuit has deprived you of finances and the presence of a son. I know you won't blame me and such, but I shall state here that I really do want to be home, as much as I sometimes deny it verbally like I do.
To my friends, thank you for being an inspiration, and as a partner through time. You lot here has been very life changing to say the least.
I may complain, and shit about life. But if time is given for this shell to bloom, the flowers of the soul shall be as dear as you seek it to be. I lie to myself very often.
My only defense is that the heart is untouched. Scarred it may be, but not tainted by my inadequate mind.
Life beckons me to continue. And I shall heed the call.
See you again, dusty dorm. Another day in my harrowed life of a soul.
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