It has been
a while. A quiet month. A long year.
2011 has
been a momentous year.
A year that shall go down in my history as a year that I must not forget, for
reasons that I don’t want to remember. A year that I do not want to remember,
because it is a year that I cannot forget.
This year
was a year of multiple revelations. Realisations. Discovery. Exploration.
A year of
pain. Regret. Doubt.
And yet a
year of happiness. A year of satisfaction.
This year I
made many new friends. But in that process I have also made a few enemies.
I have discovered new hope. And destroyed a few dreams.
I have made
a name for myself. And yet names to be myself.
I have found new family. And also the risk of losing some dear.
I have
enlightened myself. And yet submitted to darkness.
It has been
a year of firsts. Also a year of lasts.
A year like
any other, yet totally unique in every single way.
Life has
taught me many things to ponder about. But realizations have not been
straightforward, so to speak. The mass of questions that I ponder can be
gathered by pound:
Questions
that everyone asks.
Who am I? Why
am I here? Who do I serve? Who should I be? Why should I be who I want to be? What
do I want to be? Why do I want what I want? What is my purpose? What is my
destiny?
Am I worthy
of my name? Do I deserve to be who I am today? What must I do to deserve what I
get?
Questions that
might not need an answer.
What happens
tomorrow? What if? Why not? Why should I? Why shouldn’t I?
Questions that
cannot be answered alone.
Am I
supposed to be happy? Was I meant to be alone? Must I go through it all by
myself? Do I need support? Who are you to me? Who am I to you?
That is the
way of life. You will never find a road that tells you where to go.
Roads have
junctions, and splits, and twists and turns. We must determine for ourselves
whether we want to follow the road or not. Whether we should take the beaten
path or the one less traversed. Whether we should follow the path of others or
make one for our own. Whether the path we take is worth it or otherwise. Whether
we should turn back and go the other way.
Only we can
decide what is right. And only we can know if it is right.
But we can
learn. Learn from mistakes. Learn from pain. Learn from suffering. Learn from
regret.
Hearts has
been broken. Hope has been shattered. Love has been lost. Trust has been
betrayed. Wealth has been sapped. Health has been stolen. Innocence has been
sold. Souls has been traded.
Tired and beaten, he does not succumb to the pain.
Lost and confused, he holds on despite the agony.
Life
must go on for this lonely soul. A journey that knows no end till the end of
days cometh to him.
Sometimes he
wonders. If the all the effort he has been putting into his life has been all
but pointless. Has his life been but meaning and purpose. Were his wishes blind;
the heart deaf.
This feeble
soul only keeps his dear feelings to himself. Humble.
For he
wishes for another soul to love with all he can, without being asked of it.
For he
wishes to be loved by all the other souls around him, without the demands from
himself if any.
He wishes
for a peace of mind, and a heart of innocence. A soul free of debt, and a
spirit free of burden.
But these
wishes he shall not reveal to any. For he does not want to burden any other
being from feeling the requirement of themselves to fulfil his innermost
desires. For that is not his true nature.
He shall
take whatever is given to him. And he shall give whatever he can provide
without an ounce of hesitation if he may.
When will he
be freed from the pain that he endures, he waits patiently.
Nobody knows
his fate. Nor his future.
Let’s see
what the next year brings to this soul.
A pawn of
time.
A puppet of
fate.
A slave of
destiny.
A shadow of
the future.
Goodbye 2011.
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