Little insecurities

Myth: Being around happy people will always make you feel happy.

DEAD WRONG.

Maybe it's because I am deeply and truly demented.
Maybe it's because I am wired differently and see a different perspective compared to the rest.
Maybe it's just because I wasn't installed with a "happy" software plug-in.

But whatever it is, I ain't happy right now. And it's because I am with some perceptually happy people.
The problem is that when I see happy people, I tend to do reflect on myself and wonder, why am I not in that happy position. Why am I not enjoying the joy that I am looking at now. It puzzles me that my lump of electrically conducive fat within the calcium shell is able to compute these types of analysis of sorts. Not a very good thing for any regular person...
It seems that this mind likes to tilt towards a slightly darker tone of depression without much coaxing. It's almost automatic. Not that it is entirely a bad thing or anything, but dark corners seem to be the destination that the nugget wants to gravitate towards.

HAihz...

It makes me feel insecure, unsteady in footing. It makes me feel incomplete, defective, inadequate. It causes me to doubt myself, trust myself less.
Not only does it damage self-imagery, but it also hurts morale.
All those negative thoughts, all those bleak ideas, all those conflicting mindsets. They do take a toll. But they are containable, thanks largely to this deposit of sedimentary depression.

I just wonder is my condition considered chronic? Whether it is even considered a disease or a disorder? Can it kill me? Will it kill me? When? How?

It's just me. Back to work.

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