Every night I am thrust into scenarios, where my sanity is questionable. in the realm of imagination, I watched the two of them having the time of their lives.
The details are vivid as my mind is one of the high imaginative type, able to visualize things in utmost detail and realism. In architecture, this mind carries much potential and power; because being able to mentally create space and form in an instant of a neuron spark is incredibly beneficial.
Unfortunately, it means that if my mind goes out of whack, it is that much easier to lose my sanity.
So there I am, on the sidelines, unable to move due to an unseen binding power, forced to stare at the scene happening before me.
The voice in my head tempts me to destroy what I see. But my conscience rises above temptation and I refrain from doing anything destructive.
So I bear the pain and heartache.
But I do question how much longer can I refrain myself.
I worry that what happens in my dream may happen in reality.
It might already have happened. But I cannot tell the difference. Which is disturbing as the thick border between reality and imagination is fading at such a speed, I may no longer know the difference.
To be honest, knowing about something that hurts you is one thing. Seeing with your own eyes is another different thing of another different level. Having it repeated in your mind, with a magnified and exaggerated form, in Full-HD and surround sound realism, and never knowing when it will end, is different beyond imagination.
How I scraped out of last night is unthinkable. How I might survive the nights to come is less thinkable, believable nor imaginable.
Both ways, the heart is breaking apart. You might not see it, as I have mastered to a certain extent to mask the effects of pain. I however expect it to boil over soon, and leak out of the shell of disclosure. It no longer is a matter of IF, but a question of WHEN.
So I bear the pain and heartache.
But I do question how much longer can I refrain myself.
I worry that what happens in my dream may happen in reality.
It might already have happened. But I cannot tell the difference. Which is disturbing as the thick border between reality and imagination is fading at such a speed, I may no longer know the difference.
To be honest, knowing about something that hurts you is one thing. Seeing with your own eyes is another different thing of another different level. Having it repeated in your mind, with a magnified and exaggerated form, in Full-HD and surround sound realism, and never knowing when it will end, is different beyond imagination.
How I scraped out of last night is unthinkable. How I might survive the nights to come is less thinkable, believable nor imaginable.
Both ways, the heart is breaking apart. You might not see it, as I have mastered to a certain extent to mask the effects of pain. I however expect it to boil over soon, and leak out of the shell of disclosure. It no longer is a matter of IF, but a question of WHEN.
And I hope that whenever it does come to the stage when I no longer can hold it in, that none of those souls that linger around me, shall suffer the consequences of my boundless pain. Especially those two.
So, with the little conscience that I may have left, I shall state my stand to this very day:
>I shall help a friend in need, at whatever the cost, if the need shall be necessary.
>I shall not expect help for my needs, as you can never read my mind.
>I shall not expect help for my needs, as you can never read my mind.
>I will never leave anyone behind, unless it is impossible to be included. -Ohana-
>I will not trouble a friend with personal qualms, it the problem lies within me.
>The burden of the self shall be carried only by the self, and no one else.
>I shall not interfere with the happiness and joy of others, at the expense of the self.
>I shall make my presence around all of you as normal as I can be, and leave no trace of my own disruptions, at whatever the cost.
>The burden of the self shall be carried only by the self, and no one else.
>I shall not interfere with the happiness and joy of others, at the expense of the self.
>I shall make my presence around all of you as normal as I can be, and leave no trace of my own disruptions, at whatever the cost.
>What is mine can be shared to those who deserves it.
>What is yours, I shall not take unless you offer it to me, and that I deserve it.
>I shall be happy with your happiness. But you should not be sad with me.
>I shall be loyal to my cause, but shall amend it if it is appropriate.
I should probably immerse or drown myself in work.
Possibly that might help.
>What is yours, I shall not take unless you offer it to me, and that I deserve it.
>I shall be happy with your happiness. But you should not be sad with me.
>I shall be loyal to my cause, but shall amend it if it is appropriate.
I should probably immerse or drown myself in work.
Possibly that might help.
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