Of twelve.

It has been a long year.

It started off as a regular 366 days. Something I wasn't alien about.
What that started as a period of time that would pass uneventfully has proven me wrong yet again.

Very wrong.

Looking back, its easy to see all the hurdles that I have managed to climb.The hills I have scaled, the pits I have emerged from.
To say the least, 2012 has been pretty turbulent.
Then this year will go down the tubes as a tough one right?

Its not that simple. You should know that.

Reflecting back I have regrets within me that I may never be able to repair.
Of times that I did not give my best, didn't try hard enough, didn't do what I was told.
Didn't push the boundaries enough, pushed it too hard;
Played too safely, didn't play hard enough.
Took too many risks, never leapt high enough.
Didn't take the time to do/say something, said too much.

Of the people I did not thank enough, thank you for whatever you have done. I realise it might be a little too late, but time has passed, and sometimes I am imperfect.
Of the people that I did not have the opportunity to say goodbye, I wish you the best of your journey. May what befalls you be of the better kind. I might not have been there to see you go, but rest assured that I will remember you always.
Of the people that I have inadvertently/purposely insulted/angered/hurt, I offer my sincerest apologies. I am but an imperfect soul. I will have to deal with my evils sooner or later, and they will probably hurt me more than I have hurt you. Sometimes I may go over the limit. I admit that I may be brash quite often, but most of it comes without any evil intent or permanent grudges of that sort. I hope you may forgive me. I don't expect it to happen, and I don't blame you. But at least know that I am sorry.
Of the people that I have unfortunately let go and lose touch, I still do remember you. I am getting old, but that is not the excuse. Times have not been kind to me, and I have let myself be overwhelmed by my personal faults and disabilities. If time and fate permits, we shall meet again. But until then, have a safe journey.Of the people that have sacrificed their resources, time and energy to aid me in whatever endeavour that I attempted in, I thank you for your dedication. I may never get the chance to repay the debt, not return the kindness, but at least let me know when you need me. I will try my best to help.Of the people that I have tried to help, but failed miserably in small or large portions, I hope you don't hold anything against me. I meant well. I hope you succeed in whatever you may intend to do for now and in the future.
Of the generalities that I have swept over, and for the lack of specification, I offer some personal messages:

I shall start off with my late uncle.You have always been a joyous figure. One with energy and strength. You always brought a bright shade of colour whenever you were around. Probably its my fault for failing to notice early on. To say that you passing has not affected me would be a complete lie. New year's will not be the same without you around.I hope you are doing well. Please don't worry too much. We will miss you. But I believe we all hope that you may move on with whatever adventure you are embarking on now. Until we meet, rest assured that we will uphold your name with high regard. Rest in peace. Amitābha~


Dear grandmother.
I have always been incapable of thanking you enough. I regret taking things for granted all the time. I regret taking people for granted all the time. For all my life, I have never got the chance to fully appreciate your presence as well as that of my late grandfather. I might have a few silvers of memory for yeh-yeh, but I believe he was an honourable man. I offer my sincerest apologies for any misbehaviour that I have done to you and those around you. I hope you are doing well. May you rest in peace and depart as a free soul, unbound by the chains of time and suffering. Amitābha~

Dear aunt.
Ee has always been an important member of the family. I realise that your passing has greatly affected many people including my mother. I just wished I could do more for you while you were here. Its one of the many mistakes that I have made in my life. May your future journey be a smooth one. I will promise to try and help your children, my cousins, as much as I can. It is the most I can do at the moment. Rest well. Amitābha~


To Wern Yen.Your passing had a deep impact on me. It just came too soon. I offer my greatest apologies to you. For all the times you were there to comfort me, for all the effort you took to understand me, and for all the time, money and energy used to care for this little insignificant selfish soul, there is no repayment that would match up to all you have done. I wished I had spent more time with you when I had the chance. But no. This lazy, unappreciative, hopeless idiot chose to procrastinate. And he paid the price for it. The secrets that we shared shall be engraved in my heart. I will always hold you very dearly in my life from now on always. There has never been a friend that meant so much to me, and yet you became more than that. I may have lost all the messages, and probably misplaced some photographs, but I will always remember your voice. Your presence has always been comforting. Please take care. As we have always stressed and agreed, we are not worthy of each other; both says the other deserves better. And probably all we deserved was each other.I will miss you. I hope not. But I will. Rest in eternal peace. Amitābha~

To my loving parents.I realise you have sacrificed a great deal. I know this year was as hard to you as it was for me, if not harder. We each lost a dear member of our lives, and the challenges we faced are great and monumental. I always hold both of you in great respect. You never seem to complain about how evil life is and how unfair it is to any of you. I will always cherish your loving kindness. I may not know how to fully appreciate your efforts yet, and I may never ever know, but in my heart I will always love the both of you. Nothing will ever change that.


To my brother.I am sorry for being selfish. I am sorry that I have always been a selfish brother. Do what you must, I will understand. But I wish you the best in whatever you do from now on. Life awaits you and your limitless potential.


To my friends.I may be a douche and a brat. A rebel and a risk-taker. A selfish craphead and a scary dictator. A lousy housemate, a reckless taxi driver, and a slow project mate. Please accept apologies for my imperfection. Help me be a better person in 13. I promise I will try and listen. If I don't, smack me in the head. I may as well deserve it.PK, I apologise for being a complete bastard. I also apologise for not being open minded enough. SP, I apologise for calling you an unloyal creep. MQ I apologise for insulting you countless times, I still hope we can travel together. SY, I am sorry for the countless times I have caused you trouble and heartache. I sincerely regret most of them. BW, I apologise for calling you names too. I do hope the next semester will do you good. KUS, I apologise for the rift dividing us, for that is my doing. Distance does make the heart grow fonder. Z, I apologise for the countless times I have made a fool out of you. I hope you do improve yourself though. Garlic, I apologise for leaking some of the secrets you made me promise to keep. I will defend this biggest secret with my life though.
Dear rabbit.This few months have been awesome. I hope it does last though. But I have faint belief that as with the above, you may actually deserve more than me. We may disagree upon many things, and we are both almost equally stubborn in each of our own way. But in all the quarrels that we may have had, I will never blame you entirely. I am sorry for being an idiot. Promise me we shall never ever be less than great friends. No limits above that. Thank you very much for lighting up my life when I needed it most. This fourth serving of ice cream has been sweet indeed. Albeit a little too pink.

But I am still thankful.
Thankful that I have survived this far.Thankful that I have a roof above my head, clothes on my back, and a family around the corner.Thankful for all the great friends I have around me.Thankful for all the possibilities that life has presented to me.Thankful for the opportunities that my parents have given to me.Thankful for my well being, and that of most of my peers.Thankful for the great things that have happened.Thankful that the bad things that happened has not broken me.
As such I shall forgive everything and everyone that has done anything unto me, both intentionally and not, which includes the dude that took my car. Something I am immensely thankful to get back in one piece. Which I have to partly thank the police force too for their efforts and efficiency. Thanks!

To everyone out there reading this or not, I wish you the best of luck in your resolutions, hopes and dreams.Never lose hope no matter what you are doing. May good things come to you. No matter who you are, what you are doing, and however you have managed to reach this enclave of submission.


Looking back. 2012 has been an eventful year.
In chronological order, if I may remember:A long break, a lot learnt; a great trip with a friend and two teachers, an amazing experience; an interesting start to the semester, a diverse mix of lecturers; the passing of three noble souls; a relatively smooth semester, a fulfilling break; a smooth transition between semesters; a start of a new chapter; the passing of yet another light; the indentation of mobility; a new experience in life; an unexpected recurrence of immobility, and the eventual return; a magical day with a special date and time, and the ending of a massive year.
Time flies. People change.


What's next?
People say only time will tell. But it is for us to decide what path we choose.


May yours be the best you wanted.

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