Remember the times.

Sometimes, even if ever so briefly,
You will experience a feeling.
It is not a feeling of pride, nor is it shame.
It cannot be described as entirely happy, but neither is it sad in any way.
Some may vaguely describe it as euphoria, but it can also be depressing in some aspects.
In can bring you happiness, but as well it may kill you.
Some may be alienated, some even despised.
We live through it, love with it, lie alongside it, rebel within it, and experience it all our lives.

Its when you feel in some degree that you somehow belong to a group of incredible people who are amazing in such incredible ways. So much so that the incredible feeling can cause some incredible effects positive or otherwise.

You realize that if in the future a group of people were to be remembered as an awe-inspiring group of individuals, that you were incoherently part of the community, part of the party, part of the society, and part of the generation.

You belong for once, in a group you could never find other.

And today was the day. I feel. Me. Us. We. Ours.

Taylor's University Lakeside Campus. Bachelor of Science, Honors in Architecture. Class of Semester One, 2011 July Intake.
127 Individuals Strong. 127 Minds worthy.

Thank you.

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If I was another person looking at myself, I would ridicule the person I am today.

Such a weak person, still clinging onto old, outdated feelings.
Still so weak and immature.
Still so ignorant. So stubborn.

Little things affect me. Even when they no longer have anything to do with me.
Other peoples lives still cause hate, pain and despair. Even though they are no longer a part of my life. Or will they ever be in the near or remote future.
Still so sentimental over things that should not be picked out. Should not matter. Should not have anything related to the self.

Its depressing being this stupid person.
Depressing to reflect onto ones actions and thoughts.
Even more depressing to write about from a third person point of view.
I think it's also depressing watching me write about it as well.

Only God knows what is this miserable soul is to do in his miserable life.

Is there any way out of this eternal cycle of repeating delusion and recurring depression? Can there be a cure for this insignificant human being that deserves no other than the suffering that he implies onto himself?

Is this soul doomed forever?

What will the next chapter of this endless novel bring? Who knows?

And why do I even care?

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Stressed

Let's see...

I have got 3 posters to finish by this friday.
A grafted spatial design to be confirmed and completed by next wednesday.
A 1:200 scale model of the church with the tallest spire in the word to be constructed by next firday.
A presentation showcase of the church by that very same friday.
An A1 presentation board of the spatial design to be ready by the end of the month.

So that means, 6 hours per poster will take up 18 hours to finish, 3 more changes to the grafted design, each taking about 3 hours per model to design and 12 hours to clearly represent in drawings, probably 60 hours to finish the scale model in balsa, which includes cutting, carving and glueing, lots of references to be searched, compiled and arranged into a showcase, which might take 12 to 24 hours tops, a lot more drawing, typing, texting, arranging, labelling, colouring, pasting, scanning and re-arranging to be ready for the presentation board to be full, which might take me a week or about 84 hours.

In short, I will be spending a total of about 207 hours in this month working.
Since November has 28 days left, that puts it at 672 hours.
Of that 672 hours, 207 hours will be allocated for work (If things go to plan), 42 hours for eating (assuming that each meal is given 30 minutes), 84 hours for classes and tutorials that have yet to end, 14 hours of commuting time (to get from point to point, purchase materials, transport work, etc..), 28 hours of break time (bathing, changing, snacking, phone, cleaning, clearing and thinking), and about 28 hours allocated for waiting for things to happen (glue to dry, paper to print, page to load, jam to pass, rain to stop, class to end).
This leaves me 169 hours for sleeping, weekending, and pure free time.
This means that I have 6 hours a day to sleep. And that If nothing wrong happens.

I'm screwed.

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